Why I’m Bad At Small Talk (and other social activities)

For as long as I can remember I’ve been horrible at small talk.  When I meet new people I’m awkward, quiet, and very unapproachable.  This is something that is quite contrary to my true nature.  I’ll blame it on my permanently furled brow.  I’m constantly lost in thought–calculating the answers to world peace and the like.  No big deal.

It is the one thing I’m not good at, meeting new people.  For as confident as I am when speaking about something I’m passionate about–I become Samson in the presence of those I don’t know.  Rejection is a fear that plagues me; I want to make people happy–it’s what fulfills me.

Interactions with new people are also rare for me.  I’ll in part blame this characteristic on growing up in a very small, isolated town.  And even more rare is the time we are blessed to spend with others.  The moments we share with individuals are so fleeting.  So tenuous.  During that time I don’t want to talk about the weather or some trivial shared experience we had in the elevator.  I want to know your about your dreams and passions.  I want to know your fears and deepest regrets.  I want to give you respite.  I want to fortify you and offer you unexpected support.  I want to share a bond with you that let’s you know that you are visible.  I want to give you validation.

Even though I know this bond is short lived, each person I manage to capture in this spell lives within me.  It nourishes me and love and positivity goes with them.

I learn from each person I speak with.  Every person is a piece of the puzzle–a word in the answer to the deepest questions humanity strives century after century to answer.  Every person is potential.  Every person is the unexplainable and mystery at the center of our souls.  Every person is a reflection of us all; I can fin myself in you.  Every person is a question.  Every person is an answer.  This makes every person irresistible to me.

So, forgive me if we meet and I seem aloof.  Forgive me if I’m impatient with your comments about this recent weather phenomenon or that.  I’m here for you.  I want to know you and appreciate you.

As always, love.

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